The wisdom & teachings of Homer

Homer: "...where's the Any key?"

Homer: "Hello, operator, gimme the number for 911!"

Homer: "Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip."

Homer: "Oh look at me I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man fromm happy land..."

Homer: :"Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."
BART:"What about Abraham Lincoln?"
HOMER:"Um... He sold poison milk to school children."

Homer: My baloney has a first name, it's H - O - M - E - R.
My baloney has a second name, it's H - O - M - E - R

Homer: Ooh Ooh Ahhhhh! Hey! get off my sugar! Bad Bees. Bad. Owwww! Owwww! Oh they are defending themselves somehow.

Homer: "Don't think about beer, don't think about beer..."

Homer: "Alright brain, you don't like me and I don't like you.
So let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer"

Homer: Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells.
Now let's get back to that... building... thingy... where our beds and TV... is.

Homer: Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge. But, you got a butt that won't quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here that *something* *something* *something* five dollars? Get out of here.
Homer: "The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers."

Homer : "No TV and no beer make Homer something, something."
Marge : "Go crazy?"
Homer : "DON'T MIND IF I DO! WHARGHLULULU WHUR LALULUBRGLUBLU HAHUHAHU WOODWOOD HALULAOGH!"
Marge : "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Homer: "Ya Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked.
I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever did suck."

Lisa : "... World domination???!!!"
Homer : "Oops! That must be a mistake."
Brain to Homer : "Mental note -- the girl knows too much."

Homer (to brain): "Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret."
Homer : "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom."
Marge : "Oh, my gosh!"
Brain : "No, the other secret."
Homer : "Marge, I never passed high school."
Marge : "That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does."
Homer goes on to explain that he never passed Science 101.
Marge : "But, Homer! You're a Nuclear Technician."
Homer : "Marge! Icksnay on the Uclearnay EchnicianTay."
Marge : "What did you say?"
Homer : "I don't know. I flunked Latin, too."

Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get."

Homer: "When I was seventeen I drank some very good beer I drank some very good beer I purchased With a fake ID My name was Brian McGee I stayed up listening to Queen When I was seventeen"

Homer: "...sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works..."

Homer: "Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"

Homer: "I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some cry babies out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on! I dare ya! Buwack buck buck buck buck buck buck buck Buwack buck buck buck, Chicken!"

More Homer:

"Marge, send the kids to the neighbors, I'm going to Moe's and coming back loaded."

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one,'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?

"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"

"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"

Homer:

http://tvguides.ncl.ac.uk/shows/simpsons/index.html

http://www.zbths.k12.il.us/physics/homer.html

http://www.easynet.co.uk/ray/homer_simpson/

http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~jon.mat/simspons.htm

http://www.hayer.demon.co.uk/simp/simpson.htm

http://web.eas.org.sg/~element/homer.htm

http://home.sol.no/reidarav/simp/homer.htm

http://www.gti.net/iksrog/chris/hisms.htm

http://www.cyberbeach.net/~slayer/simpsons.html